Challenging Societal Norms

Women are often conditioned by society, social norms, and religion to feel responsible for meeting the needs of others, often at the expense of their own well-being. This conditioning perpetuates the belief that prioritizing others over oneself is the hallmark of being a good person, and this message is pervasive in our daily lives. The cultural narrative around motherhood often includes an unrealistic expectation for mothers to self-sacrifice and put their children's needs above their own. This idea of the "maternal martyr" has been around for centuries and is perpetuated by societal norms and expectations.

Mothers are often told that the ultimate measure of success as a parent is how much they give up for their children. This can lead to mothers feeling guilty and inadequate when they take time for themselves, pursue their own interests, or prioritize their own needs. The martyrdom of motherhood can be emotionally and physically exhausting, and can even lead to burnout and resentment.

I'm here to challenge the idea and instead argue that caring for ourselves is essential to loving others more fully. Focusing on our own needs and engaging in self-care practices is not only important, but also necessary for fostering healthy and positive relationships with others. It is important to recognize that prioritizing self-care and personal growth is not selfish, but necessary for a healthy and fulfilling life as a mother. When mothers prioritize their own well-being, they become better equipped to care for their children and model healthy behaviors for them. In fact, research shows that maternal self-care is positively associated with children's development and well-being.

As human beings, we all have an innate desire to help and support those around us. However, society often tells us that the only way to be a good human is to prioritize the needs of others over our own. This message is particularly strong for women, who are socialized to be caregivers and to place the needs of their family and community before their own.

While it may seem noble to always put others first, this approach can be detrimental to our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. When we neglect our own needs, we may become resentful, burned out, and unable to provide the best possible support to our loved ones and we then lack the energy to foster or grow meaningful healthy relationships from that depleted state.

Breaking free from the "maternal martyr" mindset can be challenging, but it is crucial for mothers to understand that prioritizing themselves is not only okay but necessary. It's time to embrace a new cultural narrative that celebrates the joys and challenges of motherhood, without expecting mothers to sacrifice their own needs and desires. By doing so, we can create a healthier and more supportive environment for mothers and their children.

In fact, prioritizing ourselves and our own needs can make us better humans in the long run. By investing time and energy into our own self-care, we can become more patient, compassionate, and understanding individuals. When we take care of ourselves, we are better equipped to handle the challenges and stresses of life, and we can approach our relationships and responsibilities with a greater sense of balance and perspective while teaching others to do the same.

Ultimately, being a good human requires a commitment to our own well-being first, as well as finding a balance in caring for others. By prioritizing ourselves, we can cultivate the strength, resilience, and empathy necessary to make a positive impact on the world around us.

I often think about the legacy I will leave behind for my children and taking care of themselves and how I’m contributing to the ideology of what being a good mother means for them. I want them to know that it’s ok to say no and protect your own boundaries. I want them to be able to acknowledge their own limitations and seek support when necessary. I want them to take time to care for their emotional health and wellbeing and that none of those things mean they're failing or bad people.